Nothing worth having ever comes easy...

2012-01-15T03:45:00.001+08:00

I don't have any creative juices flowing in my system these past few months (actually I forgot I had this blog)... So I think I'll just share compilations of quotes which I've been writing in my journal every week. I have been a very big fan of quotes since I was in high school, those I can relate to, those that can fully express my feelings.

The past few months have been varying quite a bit, I went to Culinary School and have been so worked up on it that I didn't have time to think of anything but paperwork and stuff. Oh well, cooking has been a passion ever since I learned my very first scrambled eggs. I love cooking for someone, having the thought of making a dish for someone and that it would make them happy is just so rewarding. Going to a Culinary School has been a dream come true. Basically, I realized what I was going to study. And it was beautiful. It was my first ever epiphany, and I use that term very carefully. What happened was pure magic, and now, I know what I need to do. So I’m pursuing this new direction in complete confidence that I’m going to make it work. Because finally I found what I really love doing.

Here are some, enjoy! Hope all is doing well! :)

That was a day I came face to face with my freak. A frightening woman whose fear ate her sanity. The truth is, it isn't just the men. It's all of us, anyone whose single in Manhattan gets a little freaked out from time to time. But we keep trying, because you have to figure, if the world's fattest twins can find love, there's hope for all of us. Somewhere out there is another little freak, who will love us, understand us and kiss our three heads and make it all better and in the mean time, we always have Manhattan.

-Carrie Bradshaw (SATC Season 3, Episode 3)

If you can find a path without obstacles. It probably doesn't lead anywhere. - Frank A. Clark

Don't depend too much on anyone in this world... It is because even your own shadow leaves you when you're in darkness. -Anonymous

Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you're in need. People who would never take advantage of you. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.

Quotes from Grey's Anatomy (from my fb account)

2011-08-10T00:51:00.000+08:00

It's Easier to be Alone...

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.

-Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy Season 7 Episode 22 "Unaccompanied Minor"

Adrift and at Peace

The first 24 hours after surgery are critical, every breath you take, every fluid you make, is meticulously recorded and analyzed, celebrated, and mourned. But what about the next 24 hours? What happens when that first day turns to two, and weeks turn into months? What happens when the immediate danger has passed, when the machines are disconnected, and the teams of doctors and nurses are gone? Surgery is when you get saved, but post-op, after surgery, is when you heal. But, what if you don't?

The goal of any surgery is total recovery, to come out better than you were before. Some patients heal quickly and feel immediate relief, for others, the healing happens gradually and it's not until months or even years later that you realize you don't hurt anymore. So the challenge after any surgery is to be patient. But if you can make it through the first weeks and months, if you believe the feeling is possible, then you can get your life back...but that's a big IF.

-Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy Season 7 Episode 10 "Adrift and at Peace"

With You I'm Born Again

Every seven years, like snakes in our own way, we shed our skin... biologically we're brand new people. We may look the same, we probably do... but change isn't visible, at least not most of us. But we're all changed completely, forever...

When we say things like "People don't change", it drives scientists crazy because change is LITERALLY the only constant in all of science. Energy, matter, it's always changing... morphing, merging, growing, dying... it's the way people try NOT to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting to be what they are, the way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones, the way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication -- that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change, that's up to us... it can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it... it can feel like pure adrenaline, like at any moment we can have another chance at life, like at any moment... we can be born all over again.

- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy Season 7 Episode 1 "With You I'm Born Again"

My take on Kimchi Fried Rice ^_^

2011-07-02T18:53:00.000+08:00

The other day I read a friends status in FB craving for Kimchi Fried Rice... then I had a light bulb moment, got up off my bed and searched for a recipe online. Since we only have a small amount of Kimchi left in the fridge, I grabbed every left over we had and cooked my own version of Kimchi Fried Rice. Forgive me for the bad quality of the photo, we're in a hurry to take photos because we got way too excited to eat.

Kimchi Fried Rice out of scrap:

My left over Crispy Chicken Skin
My left over super Crispy Honey Cured Bacon, crisp it up on its own fat
Chicken Longganisa
About a teaspoon of Garlic Powder
Kimchi, chopped (add its juice if you want it really spicy)
A cup of Cooked Rice
Dried Onion Powder
Pinch of Dried Basil leaves
Salt
Pepper
Butter/Oil (I like my fried rice cooked in butter)
2 Eggs

Heat up the pan and the butter... sauté the garlic and throw in the seasonings (garlic powder, pepper, salt, onion powder and basil), add the chicken longganisas, cook thouroughly. Add kimchi and rice... mix everything up until all of the ingredients seep in... and then add the bacon and chicken skin. Mix, mix, then voila! You're in cholesterol heaven! In a different pan, cook the eggs sunny side up or whichever way you want your eggs. Serve your rice topped with eggs. ^_^

Of course my ever loyal fan, my cousin Aya loved it. You can add the juice from the kimchi jar if you want it spicy enough, try not to overdo it as it may taste a bit odd. I like mine mild though.

Cookies!!!!

2011-06-13T02:19:00.003+08:00

Okay! So my cousin and I have the sweetest teeth evurrrr! Every time we're together we just munch on sweets, anything we could get our hands on. Since she'd been depressed and is going through a very rough patch these past few days, she asked me to bake her my Malted Chocolate Chip Cookies... I found a recipe of Malted Milk Chocolate Chip Cookies cookies online but I don't know where I could find Malted Milk Powder here in the Philippines

so I opted to use a product which has Malt in it, I chose Milo which brings more flavor.

Instead of a bag of chocolate chips I mixed one bag of Flat Tops

and half a bag of unsweetened chocolate chips (I tend to always add some tweaks on the recipes I come across, I just like to always add some of me, and a bit of uniqueness in what I cook/bake.) I let my cousin measure the ingredients and a friend (JV) helped in mixing the batter.

Here's the Recipe:

Ingredients:

1 cup (2 Sticks) Unsalted Butter Softened
1/2 cups Golden Brown Sugar
1/2 cups Sugar
2 whole Eggs
2 teaspoons Vanilla Extract
2 cups All-purpose Flour
1-¼ teaspoon Baking Soda
1-¼ teaspoon Salt
½ cups (rounded) Milo Powder
1 bag (12 Ounce) Milk Chocolate Chips
1 bag Flat Tops

Preparation Instructions:Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Cream butter, then add both sugars and cream until fluffy. Add eggs and beat slightly, then add vanilla and beat until combined. Add Milo powder and beat until combined.

Sift together flour, baking soda, and salt. Add to butter mixture, beating gently until just combined.

Add chocolate chips and Flat Tops and stir in gently.

Drop by teaspoonfuls (or use a cookie scoop) and bake for 10 to 12 minutes. Bake less if you want chewy cookies; more if you want crispy cookies.

I doubled the ingredients so we can make tons and we cut the sugar in half so it won't get too sweet because the chocolate powder is already sweet. We started at around 1pm and were done in about 8pm.... we've made a hundred plus cookies plus one big penis shaped cookie for my sister. :))

My worker elves. (Aya and JV)

Flat Tops were cut in fours

Yum!!!

My boyfriend waiting for me while I was baking.

He's working on three laptops. Haha!

Babe thanks for fixing Mom's laptop! <3

He really is patient. <3

A penis-shaped cookie for my Sis (Aya's idea)

Once you go black, you never go back!

Hahahahaha!

Tada!!!!.... and so we're done! Yum!!!!

Jar of Hearts

2011-06-06T10:00:00.002+08:00

Okay so it's the fourth day since I've been introduced to this song by my cousin Aya who recently broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years, and it hasn't stopped playing in my head since then. The message of this song speaks to everyone who's gotten their heart broken, I've been there and I can really, really relate to it, so yes I love this song. I know i'm not updated with new songs, ha ha! But this one's stuck in my head same as Someone Like You by Adele. I love Maddi Jane's version, I don't know why but for me she sang it better then Christina Perri. It is now included in one of my shower songs. Catch ya later guys, I'm gonna be baking my famous cookies today for my cousin so we can listen to this while munching our hearts out. Time to belt this one out in the shower! Good Day! ^_^

Jar of Hearts

By: Christina Perri

I know I can't take one more step towards you

'Cause all that's waiting is regret

And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?

You lost the love I loved the most

And I learned to live, half-alive

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms

And I learned to live, half-alive

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are?

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/jar-of-hearts-lyrics-christina-perri.html ]

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright

Remember how you put back the light in my eyes

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed

Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back

You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Luvin' Corinne Bailey Rae

2011-06-02T04:40:00.005+08:00

Listening to her voice is bliss... Her songs... I love! If I post every song I loved on Facebook i'll be flooding my friends' News Feeds so i'll be posting everything here. <3

I'd Do It All Again

By: Corinne Bailey Rae

Ooh, you're searching for something I know, wont make you happy

Ooh, you're thirsting for something I know, wont make you happy

Ooh, you did it all again, you broke another skin

Its hard to believe this time, hard to believe

That my heart, my hearts an open door...

You got all you came for, baby

So weary, someone to love is bigger than your prides worth

It's bigger than the pain you got for it hurts

And out runs all of the sadness

Its terrifying, life, through the darkness

And I'd do it all again, I'd do it all again

I'd do it all again, I'd do it all again

You try sometimes but it won't stop

You got my heart and my heads lost, ooh yeah

I've been burning down these candles for love, for love

So weary, someone to love is bigger than your pride

Ooh, someone to love, mmm, someone to love

Someone to love

Ooh, you're searching for something I know, wont make you happy

Ooh

Closer

I don't want to give you up

I don't want to hold you up

I don't want ambiguous

I just know that I've had enough

I want you to travel with me

Let loose and let your mind go free...Show you things that you've never seen

You just go to go with me

Ohhh

Your love is so good that I want to show you

Don't make me responsible, for something you that can't find

Ohhh

Your loving is so good, so good, the closer

I want it, I want it

Into me

I want it, I want it,

Leave it here

I want to get closer to you baby

Experience...

I want it, I want it

Generous...

Lay down what's impeding you

'Cause I want to get closer to you

I don't want to give you up

I'm tired of the pull and push

I"m tired of the making love

Don't you feel like you've had enough

I want you to journey with me, explore all the innocence

I don't mind us to build tension but we've got to move in the same direction

You just got to go with me...

Trouble Sleeping

It's late and I'm feeling so tired

Having trouble sleeping.

This constant compromise

Between thinking and breathing.

Could it be I'm suffering

Because I'm never give in?

Won't say that I'm falling in love

Tell me I don't seem myself

Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Some kind of therapy

Is all I need

Please believe me

Some instant remedy

That can cure me completely

Could it be that I'm suffering

Because I'll never give in?

Won't say that I'm falling in love

Tell me I don't seem myself

Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love

'cause I've been there before and it's not enough

So nobody say it

Don't even say it

I've got my eyes shut

Won't look, oh

No, I'm not in love

Could it be I'm suffering

Because I'll never give in?

I'm falling love

Tell me I don't seem myself good enough for something else

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Falling in love

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Oh, yeah

Falling love ooh

Oh, oh, don't say that I'm falling in love, don't say that, oh

Just don't say that I'm falling in love, yeah

Just don't say that I'm falling in love

Don't say but in the answer

'Cause I'll never give in

Falling in love

Yeah

Like A Star

Just like a star across my sky,

Just like an angel off the page,

You have appeared to my life,

Feel like I'll never be the same,

Just like a song in my heart,

Just like oil on my hands,

Honor to love you

Still I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,

You make me feel like I'm alive,

When everything else is Au fait,

Without a doubt you're on my side,

Heaven has been away too long,

Can't find the words to write this song,

Oh...

Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,

The way it is,

It's not a secret anymore,

'cause we've been through that before,

From tonight I know that you're the only one,

I've been confused and in the dark,

Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

I wonder why it is,

I wont let my guard down,

For anyone but you

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,

Just like an angel off the page,

You have appeared to my life,

Feel like I'll never be the same,

Just like a song in my heart,

Just like oil on my hands

My Wedding Song... Bliss! ^_^

2011-06-02T00:40:00.005+08:00

I came across Angelicopter's blog a few months back when I used to always listen to Good Times with Mo and I found this song which I want to be played on my wedding day. This kind of song are the ones that'll definitely make you cry while walking down the aisle and this is the song that you would really want to dedicate to someone you really love so much, something you would want to listen to 'til you grow old... together. I used to listen to this song on YouTube, the video Chopper took the day Johnoy Danao went to Magic 89.9's Studio but now it has an official video and I love that the video's too real, no models, no celebrities, it doesn't look at all scripted, just normal couples in love and again I kept clicking on the replay button nonstop. This just makes you wanna float in love and it's the type to make you WANT to fall in love. I swear I'm making this my theme song when the right man comes along. Kudos Johnoy! :)

Ikaw at Ako

By: Johnoy Danao

Ikaw at ako, pinagtagpo

Nag-usap ang ating puso

Nagkasundong magsama habangbuhay.

Nagsumpaan sa Maykapal

Walang iwanan, tag-init o tag-ulan

Haharapin bawat unos na mag-daan.

Sana'y di magmaliw ang pagtingin

Kaydaling sabihin , kayhirap gawin

Sa mundong walang katiyakan

Sabay natin gawing kahapon ang bukas.

Ikaw at ako, pinag-isa

Tayong dalwa may kanya kanya

Sa isa't-isa tayo ay sumasandal

Bawat hangad kayang abutin

Sa pangamba'y di paaalipin

Basta't ikaw, ako

Tayo magpakailanman.

Kung minsan ay di ko nababanggit

Pag-ibig ko'y di masukat

Ng anumang lambing

At kung magkamali akong ika'y saktan

Puso mo ba'y handang magpatawad

Di ko alam ang gagawin kung mawala ka

Buhay ko'y may kahulugan

tuwing ako'y iyong hagkan

Umabot man sating huling hantungan

Kapit-puso kitang hahayaan

Ngayon at kailanman

Ikaw at ako.

Someone Like You

2011-06-01T23:36:00.005+08:00

Siiiigh..... This song has been on loop for 3 hours now. I love Adele's voice and ooh the message of the song just smack me right on the face. Now I have mascara all over my face. :'( Johnoy Danao's cover also did justice to Adele's song.. Love 'em both. <3

"Someone Like You"

By: Adele

I heard

That you're settled down

That you

Found a girl

And you're

Married now

I heard

That your dreams came true.

Guess she gave you things

I didn't give to you

Old friend

Why are you so shy?

Ain't like you to hold back

Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That for me it isn't over

Never mind

I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too

"Don't forget me," I begged

"I'll remember," you said

"Sometimes it lasts in love

But sometimes it hurts instead."

Sometimes it lasts in love

But sometimes it hurts instead,

Yeah.

You know how the time flies

Only yesterday

It was the time of our lives

We were born and raised

In a summer haze

Bound by the surprise

Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That for me it isn't over.

Never mind

I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too

"Don't forget me," I begged

"I'll remember," you said

"Sometimes it lasts in love

But sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares

No worries or cares

Regrets and mistakes

They are memories made.

Who would have known

How bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind

I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too

"Don't forget me," I begged

"I'll remember," you said

"Sometimes it lasts in love

But sometimes it hurts instead"

Never mind

I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too

"Don't forget me," I begged

"I'll remember," you said

"Sometimes it lasts in love

But sometimes it hurts instead"

Sometimes it lasts in love

But sometimes it hurts instead...

Here's Johnoy Danao's cover:

From my Friendster Shoutout Stream ^_^

2011-06-01T12:20:00.003+08:00

faith: at dahil sabi ay R.I.P. Friendster na, ako'y maglilipat na ng blog and pictures. :( May 11, 02:43 PM

faith: “I know you have feelings left somewhere. But they’re all so hard to reach.” —I Wrote This For You: The Point Past Peak Feelings Mar 25, 03:14 AM

pSYCho wow hehe

Mar 26, 05:31 AM

faith: You're the sunlight that never comes. You're the reason I don't believe. You're the reason I'm always on the run, away from everything and everyone. You're the reason I lie awake. A same recurring dream. A fever that wouldn't break. Oct 24 2010, 02:47 AM

f aith: Choose to be in relationship w/ people who reciprocate, who have your back, are on the same page & reading the same book... Sep 16 2010, 05:14 AM

faith: Kung wala kang balak mahalin, wag mong landiin..baka MABITIN! ^_^ Aug 16 2010, 09:32 PM

faith: "To whom much is given, much is expected." Aug 05 2010, 04:51 AM

faith: Stupid questions deserve sarcastic answers. Jul 05 2010, 11:10 AM

undefined true

Jul 05 2010, 04:48 PM

faith: If I really was a bitch, I'd make your life a living hell, but instead, I'LL JUST SIT BACK AND WATCH YOU DO IT YOURSELF. =) Jul 03 2010, 08:48 AM

faith: Don't hate me coz i'm gorgeous.... Hate me coz your man thinks I am! ;) Jun 22 2010, 05:28 PM

Just D! meh ganun?! lol

Jun 24 2010, 05:43 AMx

You oo dami kasi insekyora eh... haha!

Jun 24 2010, 08:08 AM

faith: Maybe the problem was he couldn't break me. Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free, until they find someone just as wild to run with. -Carrie Bradshaw Jun 11 2010, 03:13 AM

faith: Living involves tearing up one rough draft after another, until you're satisfied with the modifiable script. May 31 2010, 02:20 AM

faith: Right now.. I need you more than anything. The future scares me.. if only you could be here! Your arms are my safe place <3 Apr 24 2010, 04:11 AM

faith: It's like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. Like you have this fear that every person you start to like is going to break your heart....twitter.com/faithielicious Apr 24 2010, 03:41 AM

faith: Happy 420! =) Apr 20 2010, 08:46 AM

faith: Truth is, everyone's going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for. ~Bob Marley faithielicious.tumblr.com/ Mar 29 2010, 06:36 PM

undefined I love.. I shall repost ha.

Mar 29 2010, 10:41 PM

faith: Any pain you feel will never, ever, compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love. — Ghost of Girlfriends Past Jan 29 2010, 08:49 AM

faith: With each day that I live, I question less and less who I want to impress and walk more and more toward what I want to be --Josh Maddenjoshmadden.com/2010/... ***A VERY INSPIRING READ... =) Jan 16 2010, 09:11 AM

faith: I started missing you as soon as we said goodbye...faithielicious.tumbl... Jan 15 2010, 03:55 AM

faith: If it wasn't for my random sputterings, insane ramblings and wild hallucinations. I'd be as normal as you. faithielicious.tumbl... Jan 09 2010, 05:40 AM

faith: "I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?" -- Ernest Hemingway Jan 08 2010, 02:09 AM

faith: Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them. --Noel Fielding Jan 07 2010, 01:50 AM

faith: To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can't do this. Dec 29 2009, 04:33 AM

faith: "Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them." - Rabindranath Tagore Dec 28 2009, 04:29 AM

faith: Sige na nga babati na ko kahit labag sa kalooban ko... Maligayang Pasko! =)) Dec 24 2009, 09:21 PM

faith: “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” — Robert Frost Dec 19 2009, 00:29 AM

faith: “We’re not a very patient society, so I think that maybe people get into relationships, and if they’re not exactly the way they want them to be and there’s no quick fix, they just give up.” — Sally Emerson, Paper Heart Dec 17 2009, 07:45 PM

faithIt is better to be told a hurtful truth than to be told a comforting lie. In the end, the truth will make its way out and will hurt much more than it ever had to. Dec 11 2009, 04:50 AM

roane damn straight !

Dec 11 2009, 07:29 AMx

JüVyLiCiOüS♥™ Love not 1, not 2 but love the one who loves you too. Love not 3, not 4 but love who loves you more. Love not 5, not 6 but love the one who really sticks. Love not 7, not 8 but love who's willing to wait.

Dec 11 2009, 09:34 AM

faith: Why are YOU trying to make fun of me? YOU think it's funny What the fuck YOU think it's doing to me? YOU take YOUR turn lashing out at me I want YOU crying with YOUR dirty ass in front of me Dec 04 2009, 11:34 PM

faith: The worst thing would be having your life pass you by and having it take your soul mate with it. Dec 01 2009, 02:14 AM
faith: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1John 4:18 Nov 26 2009, 02:54 AM

faith:I can hear my heart pounding, but i can't decide. Stuck between the depths of my fears, & peaks of my pride. I wont be your fool no more. Nov 26 2009, 02:27 AM
faith: Nothing worth having comes easy... Nov 09 2009, 05:37 AM

faithDon't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Nov 08 2009, 03:38 AM

faith: Remember: the tragedy of life is not what we lose, but what we miss. -Paulo Coelho Nov 07 2009, 06:45 AM

faith: never thought this deleting-the-pictures-with-the-ex-and-our-friends-thing would be this hard... ang sakit sa puso, pati memories with our friends nabubura din! ='( Nov 05 2009, 10:53 PM

faith: When you lose someone it stays with you, always reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt. -The Vampire Diaries Oct 29 2009, 03:52 PM

faith: All we have are a bunch of yesterdays and a few tomorrows.... ='( Oct 11 2009, 04:16 AM

faith♬ When you cry i'll be there, telling you were nothing less than beautiful, so don't you worry I'm your angel standing by... ♬ Oct 09 2009, 02:35 AM

faith: Kung sino man ang may butihing puso na magreregalo sa birthday ko, donate nyo na lang sa Typhoon victims... Your donations would make a very special birthday gift. ^_^ Oct 03 2009, 04:23 PM

faith: The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others,how much they love them while they're alive. Sep 30 2009, 09:16 PM

faith: If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe Sep 21 2009, 06:31 PM

faith: As I said, I'm a woman and shouldn't be taken for granted. Life's a bitch, now so am I. --TEPHRA, a *bayanknights villain http://bayanknights.blogspot.com/ Sep 09 2009, 03:19 AM

Change is the only constant thing in this world... 08052010

2011-06-01T11:35:00.001+08:00

Don’t be afraid of change, you may have lost something good, but something better will definitely come along. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one… People do come and go for a reason. Whatever it is that’s hurting you right now, may be God’s way of telling you He’s got something better to come. He’s got something better for you. God’s not done with you yet so just have faith and keep praying. ^_^

♥ faith estalilla

I have given everything but have received nothing… 08052010

2011-06-01T11:01:00.002+08:00

I learned to love someone with all my life…

But there came a point when I got tired, not of loving

but of sacrificing all that I have.

Then a thought came to my mind…

I have given everything but have received nothing

but pain and tears in return. Is this enough to prove that I really love that person?

Or is it a sign telling myself to stop sacrificing

and learn to love myself a little more?

Thoughts of an Insomniac (Life After Love) 11082009

2011-06-01T05:45:00.002+08:00

*Adik mode* Just so people know… I love looking at/reading other peoples blogs/photo blogs, I learn from them and enjoy what their life’s about.. stumbled upon this photo:

and thought, wow kundi ako medyo nauntog i’d be like him siguro or worse… haha! Funny what one does for love, and what love can do to ya. Well thanks to my parents and friends who made me realize that there’s more to life than sulking. I know moving on is hard, and won’t happen in a flick of a finger. Now i’m kinda gettin’ there… almost?. Or maybe i’m there already i just haven’t realized it yet. But yeah I’ve moved on. Ang labo oh!

I found this on Google and thought that maybe it could help others here too (click on the link for the whole article):

Dealing with a Break Up: A break up, is after all a break up. And there’s absolutely nothing to smile about when the one who swept you off your feet a couple of months ago will just drop you like a hot burrito for a fresher piece of meat.

It helped me a lot, I've done these activities post break up… and waaaaaaaaaay waaaaayyy after break up (hell it’s been 10mos. or so and still dealing with it) haha! Oh well, glad I’m OK now, I’ve been for quite some time… i admit, sometimes i still hurt a lot, there are times when i just can’t help but burst into tears. I’m only human, sometimes i gotta let out all those pent up emotions too.. Need to fix myself and go on with life. God’s not done with me yet. He’s just starting. ^_^

A song from The Dunaways:

God’s Not Finished With Me Yet

Gerald Crabb

If you don’t like the way I am, don’t judge me yet just hang around

God’s not finished with me yet

Now I’m not what I used to be, there’s still work to do in me

God’s not finished with me yet

He’s working on my feet so they will walk straight

He’s working on my heart to keep it pure

He’s holding my hand so he can lead me and teach me to endure

When the going gets tough I get frustrated and I start to forget

Then I’m reminded that God’s not finished with me yet

One day I thought I had arrived till the good Lord brought me down to size

He said I’m not finished with you yet

Now I am on the potters wheel he’s molding me to fit his will

God’s not finished with me yet.

Songs / Thoughts for The Week (From my FB acct.) 11082009

2011-06-01T05:34:00.000+08:00

*Note from Yoa… Di masyadong pinagbuhusan ng effort to… hehe!

Yoa: This would be my peek of the weak! haha!

Instructions: In this note, post 30 songs (artist and song title) that would best describe your mood, thoughts, feelings or emotions the past week. You may include significant lines from each song. Tag your friends and enjoy!

1. CHASING PAVEMENTS (Adele)

- If I’d end up with you, should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere?

Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place should I leave it there?

2. DADDY (Beyonce)

- And that’s why I want my unborn son to be like my daddy,

I want my husband to be like my daddy.

There is no one else like my daddy…

And I thank you for loving me

Even if a man broke my heart today no matter how much pain I’m in

I would be OK 'coz I got a man in my life that can’t be replaced

His love is unconditional it won’t go away and I know I’m lucky…

3. I ALONE (Live)

- It’s easier not to be great and measure these things by your eyes,

we long to be here by His resolve, alone in the church by and by,

oh, now, we took it back too far,

only love can save us now,

all these riddles that you burn all come runnin’ back to you,

all these rhythms that you hide only love can save us now

4. YOU WANTED MORE (Tonic)

- Love is tragic, love is bold, you will always do what you are told.

Love is hard, love is strong, you will never say that you were wrong.

I don’t know when I got bitter but love is surely better when it’s gone.

Cause you wanted more, more than I could bear, more than I could offer.

5. ALL BEHIND US NOW (Patti Austin)

- I’m so sorry that it didn't work the way that we’d always planned.

Hey, I’m so sorry that you went away and somehow didn't understand,

We pretended for so many years, but now its time wash away my tears

Cause it’s all behind us now, cause we've learned to live somehow without each other,

and it’s easy to see it ain't never gonna be the same again

6. YOU CAN LET GO (Crystal Shawanda)

- You can let go now Daddy, I think I’m ready to do this on my own…

it’s still… it still feels a lil bit scary but i want you to know,

i’ll be ok now Daddy you can let go… your little girl is ready,

but i want you to know i’ll be ok now Daddy…

7. STUPEFY (Disturbed)

- Why do you like playing with my narrow scope of reality?

I can feel it start slipping away, don’t you think maybe we could put it on credit?

don’t you think it can take control when I don’t let it I get stupefied,

it’s all the same you say LIVE WITH IT

8. BEST I’LL EVER BE (Sister Hazel)

- I can’t keep my hands from shakin’, I’m stumblin’ through the wreckage again, but you’re gone…

So I wait and I wait, and I run myself in the same old circles,

I sit and stare and I run old scenes through my tired head of the days that we laid our backs

and said forever “Oh, was that the best I’ll ever be?”

9. SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE (Audioslave)

- Nail in my hand, from my Creator you gave me a life now show me how to live…

10. PART OF ME (Skabeche)

- Flashing memories so clear in my mind

I couldn't believe now it’s all over

I can still remember how you and I

Saying I love you but people change, their hearts change

these things I can’t explain to you

So many questions that we couldn't answer,

'Coz we can’t, we can’t, we can’t find any answer

11. BEAUTIFUL DISASTER (Kelly Clarkson)

- I don’t know what he’s after but he’s so beautiful such a beautiful disaster

and if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter

would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster

12. SHIFTING SAND (Caedmon’s Call)

- My faith is like shifting sand, changed by every wave, my faith is like shifting sand so I stand on grace

13. THE BEST YOU NEVER HAD (Leona Lewis)

- You put me through so many emotions…

now it’s your turn for that cause in your empty heart I have left a mark,

the best you never had

back rubs, good love… that’s what you missed out on,

so much we could've had…

14. SOUL MATE (Natasha Beddingfield)

- Who doesn't long for someone to hold, who knows how to love you, w/o being told?

Somebody tell me why i’m on my own, if there’s a soul mate for everyone…

15. BROWN EYES (Lady Gaga)

- Everything is over, everything could be everything, if only we were older guess its just a silly song about you and how I lost you, and your brown eyes

16. SAMSON (Regina Spektor)

- You are my sweetest downfall, I loved you first…

YOUR HAIR WAS LONG WHEN WE FIRST MET… ('nuff said! LOL ^^)

17. BREATHE (Anna Nalick)

- There’s a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout but you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out these mistakes you've made, you’ll just make them again if you only try turning around.

18. LOVE SHOW (Skye)

- You don’t know, somebody’s aching, keeping it all in, somebody won’t let go of his heart but the truth is, it’s painless letting your love show

19. LIAR, LIAR (A Fine Frenzy)

- You talked to me in siren song yeah, anyone would drown… sick and tired of this mad desire

20. 21 THINGS I WANT IN A LOVER (Alanis Morisette)

- Do you have a big intellectual capacity? But know it alone does not equate wisdom.

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?

I’m in no hurry, I could wait forever, i’m in no rush…

no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime

I’ll live like there’s no tomorrow

21. PRECIOUS ILLUSIONS (Alanis Morisette)

- You’ll complete me right? Then my life can finally begin.

I’ll be worthy, right? Only when you realize the gem I am.

22. YOU LEARN (Alanis Morisette)

- You live/love/cry/lose/bleed/scream/grieve/choke/laugh/choose/pray/ask… YOU LEARN!

23. UTOPIA (Alanis Morisette)

- This is my Utopia! This is my Nirvana, my Ultimate… my end in sight…

24. FOOLISH GAMES (Jewel)

- In case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see,

this is my heart bleeding before you.. this is me down on my knees…

these foolish games are tearing me apart

and your thoughtless words are breaking my heart….

25. ENERGY (Keri Hilson)

- I wish I could rip out a page of my memory, ‘coz I put too much energy in him and me

can’t wait ’til I get through this phase, ‘coz it’s killing me, too bad we can’t re-write our own history. Chances fading now, patience running out, this ain't how it’s supposed to be…

26. WHO WILL SAVE YOUR SOUL (Jewel)

- Who will save your soul if you won’t save your own?

27. ANGEL STANDING BY (Jewel)

- When you cry i’ll be there, telling you were nothing less than beautiful, so don’t you worry I’m your angel standing by…

28. HANDS (Jewel)

- We are God’s eyes, we are God’s hands… we are never broken….

29. I BELIEVE (Blessid Union of Souls)

- I believe that love is the answer, I believe love will find a way…

violence is spread worldwide and families on the street…

30. A BEAUTIFUL LIE (30 Seconds to Mars)

- It’s time to forget about the past, to wash away what happened last..

hide behind an empty face, don’t ask too much just say…

‘Coz this is just a game, it’s a beautiful lie, it’s a perfect denial

R.P.: Maskara by Acid 05272005

2011-06-01T05:03:00.004+08:00

Photo by: Lara Jade

Matagal na rin akong ganto, mga ilang taon na, naka-maskara, pilit nagpapanggap dahil sa mundong alam kong hindi ako maintindihan. Lagi akong masaya, nakangiti na lang sa kung sinong anino ang dumaan… iyon ay kung may nakakakita nga sa akin. Magaling nga siguro akong umarte. Isipin mo, sa tagal ng pagpapanggap ko, walang ni isa man lang ang naghihinalang marahil sa mga sandaling ako’y nag-iisa, umiiyak din ako. Bilib nga sila sa akin, paano, iniwan na daw ako at pinaglaruan, nakatawa pa rin. minsan, may nagtanong nga kung paano daw makalimot. Tinawanan ko lang, parang napaka-obvious ng sagot, pero sa totoo lang, tinawanan ko dahil ako mismo di ko alam ang sagot. May ilan ng humanga sakin, buti pa daw ako, nakapag-move on na. Kung nakikita lang sana nila ako sa mga minsang sandaling ako lang mag-isa. Nakakainis isipin ano? Kaya nga iniiwasan ko na lang isipin. Unti-unti, iniipon ko na lang ang lahat ng mga paboritong pintas nila sa pagiging tanga ko dahil iniisip pa rin kita. Nakakatawa nga, dun lang ako lumalaban, kapag ikaw na ang iniinsulto nila. Sa lahat, yun ang hindi ko nakakayanang tiisin. Laitin na nila ako’t pagtawanan, huwag lang ikaw ang mabastos (ganyan kalaki ang halaga mo sa akin, kahit na binasura mo na ako’t pinagtabuyan). Kaya nga tuwing gabi na lamang, kung kelan munting hinga na lang ang naririnig ko, kung kelan wala nang makakarinig sa akin, kung kelan wala nang makakapansin sa akin, doon ko hinuhubad ang maskara ko at umiiyak. Hindi ko nga ba alam. Basta sa mga sandaling iyon, doon lamang ako sumasaya ng lubusan. Yakap ang una mo pang bigay sa akin, pilit kong binabalikan ang mga panahong magkasama pa tayo. Iyong mga araw na nagkatabi tayong wala ng sinasabi, basta nakaupo na lang (di ba’t masaya na tayo nun?). Sa ganun lang, ramdam ko nang mahal mo ako. Sa bawat patak ng luha, bumabalik ang mga simpleng tawanan, baduy na lambingan, at lahat ng mga kakornihang bagay na ginagawa natin dati. Sa bawat hikbi, pilit kong inaalala ang mga salitang sinabi mo sa akin. Sabi mo pa nga, hindi ka titigil sa pagmamahal. Alam mo, hanggang ngayon, sa bawat hikbi at patak ng luha ko, naniniwala pa rin ako dun. At sa dahan-dahang pag-alis ng malay ko, dahan-dahan ko ding binubulong ang mga salitang gusto ko sanang iparinig sayo. Matagal na akong ganito, gusto ko nang makawala, nakakamanhid na eh. Pero paano nga ba kita malilimutan kung kahit saan man ako matingin, nakikita pa rin kita. Wala na akong nakausap na kaibigan natin dati na hindi ako tinatanong kung kumusta ka na. Kung messages mo pa rin ba ang nasa inbox ko? Minsan naisip ko kung nasaktan ka rin ba sa mga nangyari, kung umiiyak ka rin tulad ng pag-iyak ko, kung kahit paminsan-minsan man lang nadadalaw ko din ang isipan mo. Matagal na akong ganito, umiiyak sa likod ng aking maskara, panay ang hiling na sana’y mahal mo pa rin ako, pilit na kumakapit sa mga alaalang iniwan mo. Pero gusto ko na ring makawala, naawa na rin ako sa sarili ko kung minsan. Nakakamanhid na. Ilang beses ko na nga ba pinangako sa sarili kong kakalimutan ka. Pero marahil, sa mga sandaling nag-iisa na lamang ako, kailangan ko lang talagang hubarin ang aking maskara, lumuha at sumulat ng mga linyang tulad nito…

R.P.: What Kind of Man Are You Looking For? 05282009

2011-06-01T04:59:00.002+08:00

In a brief conversation, a man, speaking to a woman, was out to pursue the question, “What kind of man are you looking for?”

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asked, “Do you really want to know?”
Reluctantly, he said, “Yes” as she began to expound…

“As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can’t do for myself.

I pay my own bills.

I take care of my household without the help of any man- or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?’”

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, “I am not referring to money… I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life.”

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said,

“I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection Mentally. I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection Spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked… Believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for perfection Financially because I don’t need a financial… burden.

I am looking for someone who is Sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but Strong enough to keep me grounded.

I am looking for someone who I can Respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive… He just has to be worthy.

God made woman to be a helpmate for man. At this point, I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.”

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face, and exclaimed, “You’re asking for a whole lot!”

To which she gracefully replied…
“Only if you think I’m not WORTH a lot.”

Look Inside (Revised) 05072009

2011-06-01T04:15:00.000+08:00

If you ever wonder about the woman in your life… you may want to look inside. Look inside, to see a different side of a woman. Realize that she can and does feel for you something different, something very special. She wakes up in the morning and you’re the first thing on her mind. If she could call you right then and there, she would. When she sees you, her heart leaps. Not just the first time, not just when you’re “alone”, but EVERY time. Every time she meets you, it’s as if the whole world has been renewed.

It doesn’t matter if it’s raining, or sunny, or pleasant, or dreary. You make the rain tender, the sun warmer, a dreary day funny, and a pleasant day perfect. Without you, her days would have no meaning. Of course you say, “But there could be another one”. She says, “There isn’t another, you’re the only one…” She brings you anything she thinks you’d like. Not so you’ll like her or not so you’ll kiss her, but because she simply loves to make you happy, to see that smile on your face. Though you never knew it took her forever to find the things you like, how many days she worries on what dress to wear on your date and how many hours it took her to look beautiful just so you’d compliment her, it makes her nervous… scared. She wants you to be proud of her…

Look inside, sometimes you find something you weren’t looking for. Though she won’t admit it, she’d much rather cuddle with you in front of the T.V. for the entire evening than go out with her girlfriends. When you hold her hand and she holds yours or when you sweet-talk her in front of your friends, it’s the best feeling in the world. And when she sees you hurt or sad, it rips her heart in two. Making you happy is her main goal in life. And your existence alone has already completed her life. You of course, are not aware of all the things she does and goes through for you, but she still cherishes each and every moment with you as if it could be her last. Because deep down, she is afraid that someday you may just decide to leave. And that is her biggest fear. And if you did leave, this woman would cry. Each second with you completes her whether you’re just walking together somewhere, cuddling on a chair, or sharing a pizza. No matter what it is you are doing, it makes her completely happy just to be with you. Look inside, it’s often surprising, the little things are what she cherishes the most. When she gets to brush your hair, rub your back or when you accidentally (or perhaps on purpose) brush fingertips or when you call unexpectedly just to say hi. She lives for those moments. She would, if given the chance, die for you. This may seem ridiculous, but she would gladly give anything and ALL for you. Just look inside. And you may find something worth holding onto.

Right now, at this very second she’s thinking of you. Someday all she’ll want is to give you bliss, protect you, care for and love you for the rest of her life.

♥ Faith ॐ मणि पद्मे हूँ

Last Night... 05032009

2011-06-01T03:51:00.002+08:00

Last night someone asked me why you still affect me this much, and I can’t think of any answer… so I began to ask myself the very same question. Is it because I still love you? Or maybe because I just miss you, that’s all.. Or maybe I can’t get over the fact that you are no longer mine, or that I know that you don’t think of me at all. There comes a person in everyone’s lives that we all have to love for the rest of our lives no matter what. We cannot explain why this phenomenon happens, we can’t prevent it from happening, also, we can’t choose that person for ourselves. It’s sad that you are that person for me, yet I know that I may not be the one for you. Nevertheless, even if I try to explain all these to other people, they wouldn’t understand me, not even a bit, not even at all… It’s not missing you that kills me… It’s knowing I once had you in my life that does…

Trauma always leaves a scar... 04092009

2011-06-01T03:48:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching the 19th Episode of Grey’s Anatomy Season 5 and here I am again, gettin’ all emotional about it. Every episode of Grey’s Anatomy never fails to make me cry, hehe! Guess I’m just a real crybaby…. here’s a quote from Dr. Alex Karev that made me end up in fetal position sobbing my heart out. =P

“Doesn’t matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.”

Can’t wait for the next episode, i’m sure it’ll be another tear-jerker… at least for me who’s such bawler maybe…. =)

Part of Me -Skabeche 04082009

2011-06-01T03:43:00.002+08:00

PART OF ME
By: Skabeche

Flashing memories so clear in my mind

I couldn't believe now it’s all over

I can still remember how you and I

Saying I love you but people change, their hearts change

These things I can’t explain to you

So many questions that we couldn't answer

'Coz we can’t, we can’t

We can’t find any answer

We can’t, we can’t

Can’t find any answer

Now it’s time for us to start something new

But not the time to say goodbye

You’re still my friend and I know

That we’ll never change

'Coz we care, we respect

The things we've shared in the past

Yes you’ll be in my heart

Yes you’ll be in my heart and soul

Yes you’ll be part of me

'Coz I’ll be part of…

Yes you’ll be in my heart

Yes you’ll be in my heart and soul

Yes you’ll be part of me

Coz I’ll be part of… you…

Yeah we can’t, we can’t

We can’t find any answer

We can’t, we can’t

Can’t find any answer...

I wanna stop loving you… Help me stop. =’c 03262009

2011-06-01T03:21:00.002+08:00

I’m still in the process of moving on right now… it’s hard but I’m trying. I hope someone could teach me to forget about him, every memory. It’s so hard to go on and start over. May I just quote Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown:

“If I should die before I wake its cause you took my breath away, losing you is like living in world with no air… My world revolves around you it’s so hard for me to breathe… If you ain’t here I just can’t breathe…”

Haha! Actually there are a lot of songs I could relate to right now. =) Waah! It’s really hard when you made someone your life, I’ve learned and maybe next time I fall in love again and that’s if I still could… I wouldn’t give everything; I would choose someone who’d love me more than I do so I wouldn’t end up losing a big part of me like I did before. I’m letting him go if that’s what makes him happy, if you love someone, set him free… hehe! Too cliché but, it’s true. Someone sent me a quote which enlightened me a lot:

“Let him go and be happy because if that’s the thing that would make him smile, you’d rather get hurt than see the sad face you see when he’s with you.”

Hurts a lot to face reality, but the least I could do is to accept the fact that we’re really not destined for each other. I’ve had high hopes that maybe someday we could still love each other, but I don’t know if there’s still a chance. It’s almost been 3months now since the day I broke up with him, yes you read it right; I broke up with him… Basically because I know that it’s already hard for us to go back to what and how we were before, I knew that he doesn’t love me that much anymore and our relationship won’t work out the way it should be. We just grew apart, I know most of it was my fault I lost his trust and I regret it the most. He also had his own mistakes but I loved him too much that I became blinded enough to always forgive him. I waited for him to try to clean up his act and for him to show more affection but he never did anything to patch things up. I have always been responsible in saving our relationship but then I got exhausted. Even though I had high hopes I lost my patience. I tried praying for our relationship but nothing happened and so I thought maybe this is God’s way of telling me we’re really not meant for each other, or maybe this is just not the right time for us. I’ve tried to divert my mind in doing stuff to forget him but everything I do and everywhere I go always reminds me of him (oh diba parang kanta lang! haha!). Anyway, part of me wants to completely forget him to erase every memory of him but I can’t cause my friends are his friends, he lives nearby, and I could run into him anytime. It’s a small world after all… ^^ a part of me also wants us to be friends. But I know it won’t happen because I think he’s too mad at me and I know that I could fall for him over again. So I’ve been thinkin’ a lot lately, maybe I should get out of here, I want to go some place, somewhere without him or his family, or friends. But of course that’s impossible because I’ll always carry in me every moment we’ve shared together. I think I’ve moved on a bit cause I’m not bitter anymore (maybe?…), I don’t sulk in bed when I watch sappy movies anymore, well not really (I’m still in denial though) … ^_^ but I confess… when I see him, I really do miss him a lot…. Every time I see him everything flashes back, all our moments together. Sometimes I regret what I did to him, I regret breaking up with him but I have faith, I am Faith! Woooot! ^_^… Maybe God has someone better for me or maybe in time he might be that someone again… Basag!

Bored yet again... 02152009

2011-06-01T02:45:00.003+08:00

This again is another product of boredom… These are the quotes I read from the E-book I downloaded c/o Kei-el (my sister’s friend), Quotable Evans by Richard Paul Evans. Some of which are from the website ThinkExist.com… Ever since I was in high school I loved reading and compiling quotes from movies, books, magazines, lines from songs etc. those that I can relate to and those that helped through whatever I’ve been through and whatever I’m into. Just wanted to share it with you, hope you appreciate it like I did ^_^….

— These are all from Quotable Evans by Richard Paul Evans—

~ON PAIN~

“I feel so lost. No. To be lost is to not know where one is–and I am all too sure. I am alone. My heart, my love, has been torn from me and I am consumed by the pain of that loss. Yet I feel Mary Anne around me as keenly as before. Maybe more so. For I see her absence in all the evidences of the home that she left behind. “I am a fool.What selfishness so blinded my heart that I could not see that she still required its nourishment? “My pen rambles with more foolishness. I mourn what I am missing and the pain that pierces my heart–not hers. This is the paradox that keeps Mary Anne from my reach– for to go after her, for my heart’s sake, is to be unworthy of her. Could it be that to truly love a thing is not to desire it, but to desire happiness for it? If so, I cannot have her back, to relieve my heart at the expense of hers. If I truly love her. “And I do love her. More than my own life I love her. I can only hope that she might return. Yet hope is oftentimes the cruelest of virtues. “How did I come to such a dark place? I don’t know where my road now leads but I fear the shadow lands that lie ahead. But it is not the darkness of the path I fear. Just the loneliness of the trail.” - THE LETTER - DAVID PARKIN’S DIARY

~ON REGRET~

There is no more constant companion than the specter of regret. -THE LETTER

~ON HEALING~

“I consider with wonderment the path which has led me to this place of tranquility. Though one does not forget the wounds of the past, scars can bring gratitude if we will consider the healer. There is not a day that I do not think of him. Though I have peace in my heart, it only makes my longing for him more clear. My Hunter has given me more reason to hope for an afterlife than every scripture penned and every prayer offered.” - THE LOOKING GLASS

~ON DESTINY OR FATE~

“Believe. Believe in your destiny and the star from which it shines. Believe you have been sent from God as an arrow pulled from his own bow. “It is the single universal trait which the great of this earth have all shared, while the shadows are fraught with ghosts who roam the winds with mournful wails of regret on their lips. “Believe as if your life depended upon it, for indeed it does.” - THE LOCKET

— FROM THINKEXIST.COM —-

“I try to talk to you, but I don’t know what to say. I am afraid you don’t want me to say anything. So I don’t. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel -like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you.But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too… but I’ll never know.” -Anonymous

“As I look back on all that’s happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me — there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever… and whatever the future holds, our today’s make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you’ll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.” -Anonymous

“Love is a wound that can only be healed by the one who inflicted it.” -Joan of Arcadia (TV Series)

“”Romance serves a purpose. It puts logic to sleep so people can come together.” and “Real love is hard work”. You have to decide if you want a real story or if you want to stay in the dream.” -Joan of Arcadia (TV Series)

“I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer.” -Joan of Arcadia (TV Series)

Will post more soon, before this could get long and boring as it already is… I’ll compile more. Time to doze off before my eye bags get larger than a suitcase… Enjoy or get bored reading! ^_^

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. 09112008

2011-06-01T00:02:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

–Neil Gaiman

humans are born with the desire to roam the earth… 09112008

2011-05-31T23:48:00.000+08:00

Humans are born with the desire to roam the earth. We crawl, then walk, then run, all in an effort to move further away from where they came from… home. I know firsthand the thrill of what changing one’s surroundings can do for one’s heart, and now I also know that sometimes staying home and letting others go can be its own fantastic journey. Because when you let go of something, you make room for something else entirely, something you never expected, something that makes “home” seem like its own unexpected adventure… A trip where new treasures are found around every old corner, for the world and all its complexities come right to your doorstep. Because, in the end, the power is not just with those who go away, but also in what they leave behind.

~Marin (Men in Trees)

Bitterness!!! Ampalaya! 08292008

2011-05-31T23:32:00.000+08:00

i know i’ve said i wouldn’t turn to alcohol anymore, but what the heck! i need to shut down… shut down from everything… i haven’t had a decent sleep for weeks now and i say alcohol’s my last resort… even though my eyes are all droopy, my brain just doesn’t want to shut down… i know scientifically it never will but i just can’t stop thinking…. i force myself to sleep but my brain and body won’t allow… i’m too exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually…. i need to stop thinkingand waiting. i need to pause for a while to regain my strength but i can’t. it’s too hard not to think of all the problems i have right now. i try to divert my mind from thinkin’ that i’m all alone now, but it seems that everything i do and everywhere i go constantly reminds me of him…. haay…. so sad… =’c men are such complete a**holes! f***k them all!!!

Premature Death 08212008

2011-05-31T18:23:00.001+08:00

Today, Thursday August 21, 2008 is my fourth day without sleep, it started last Monday. Last Tuesday was supposed to be my day, planned to pamper myself and get more sleep cause I obviously lack lots of it, my dull, blemished and pimpled skin proves it… I had no choice but to go to school just to have our case study photocopied. Unfortunately my friends saw me at, of all places, our school library… =) they dragged me to have a few drinks, indulged myself on chicken skin while we reminisce on our past kalokohans and drinking sessions. I missed them a lot since I had no time for my friends eversince I had a boyfriend. Now i’m back on track, single again… keeping myself updated on their lives and gimik nights. I missed going out with my friends. Well anyway, I lost track of time and got home around 11:30pm and crammed on gettin’ our case study done and due Wednesday 8am. While readin’ our case I never understood a word from it cause my tummy suddenly ached big time it gave me a hard time sleeping so as usual I never got to sleep. Come 5:30am, and still not a single word comes to mind for our case study. I got up and took a bath, prepared my stuff, dashed off, never even had time to eat. Drat, my two bags are killin’ me… brought my laptop cause I’m hoping i could find time to finish our case when i get to school, and I swear it’s heavy! Talk about inconvinience!!! On my way to the tricycle terminal rain poured hard, lucky I brought my pink and adorable umbrella and wore my ever reliable sneaks just in case criminal water floods taft =) Got on the bus, my bags’ practically bumping on to everyone. At last i’ll be gettin a few minutes of sleep, while trying to doze off the shitty conductor pats my shoulder and asked their neverending question: "Mam san po kayo?" replied:" women’s estudyante"… i tried to go back to dreamland and then again th conductor wakes me up "Mam pamasahe lang po"… Talk about freakin’ annoying, I looked out the window, dammit Magallanes na, I don’t have enough time to sleep na the woman beside me kept fidgeting pa… haaaay life terribly sucks! 8 o’clock and i’m still in Vito Cruz (shit late na naman ako 30mins. sermon na naman ito!) … Phone beeps and it was Joyce saying the security guards won’t let her in cause she’s wearing civilian daw dapat daw college shirt ang suot… To hell with them newbie guards eh wash day naman! Then the disease struck me, ‘katamaran’…texted Joyce i won’t be able to come to class din coz i too wasn’t wearing our college shirt i definitely don’t wanna argue with the guards na. So we decided to get our caffiene fix… went to Starbucks Torre Lorenzo and stayed there from 9am til 11am… Talked about our failed relationships and learned we have a lot in common.Hehe! Mga hopeless romantic! Nature called me and so we went home. Got home 1pm, excited, i jumped on my bed cause i definitely missed lying on it, but I can’t sleep so i watched Devil Wears Prada for the 4th time… still not feelin’ a bit sleepy, so I just surfed the net and watched Kim Sam Soon… never failed to make me laugh. Then I thought to myself grabe this is my 3rd day without sleep na, I badly need a lot of it… Kaya lang I tried hard and still can’t sleep. Now it’s my 4th day na and I swear I feel so stressed out, i’ve been tryin’ to shut my eyes but doing so only reminds of something so depressing… haaay… adik na!!! And for the past few days I only had a chance to eat rice once, I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I sometimes forget to eat na, having been too occupied with a lot of stuff. *SIGH* The past few days have been so confusing and terribly stressing… I scream from fatigue and dream of sleeping for a month, if only the world will stop… i will rest, for i am tired of being restless. =(

Glycerine -Bush 08122008

2011-05-31T18:22:00.001+08:00

Must be your skin I’m sinking in, must be for real ‘coz now I feel… and I didn’t mind, it’s not my kind. Not my time to wonder why everything’s gone white, and everything’s grey… now you’re here, now you’re away. I DON’T WANT THIS, remember that I’ll never forget where you’re at… don’t let the days go by glycerine…

I’m never alone, I’m all alone all the time. Are you at one, or do you lie? We live in a wheel where everyone steals but when we rise it’s like strawberry fields.

If I treated you bad you bruise my face. Couldn’t love you more, you got a beautiful taste. Don’t let the days go by, could have been easier on you. I couldn’t change though I wanted to. Could have been easier by three. Our old friend fear; you, and me.

I needed you more, when we wanted us less. I could not kiss, just regress. It just might be clear, simple and plain. That’s just fine, that’s just one of my names. Don’t let the days go by. Could’ve been easier on you….. Gylcerine =’c

Dream Wedding 08062008

2011-05-31T18:19:00.002+08:00

Well I just came across Fernbrook Garden’s website and I swear I fell in love with the place, well I used to dream of marrying at the Fernwood Gardens or at a beach but this place is way better with a Rolls-Royce or Bentley vintage cars, horse-drawn carriage and gondola… couples can choose from Victorian or Russian era inspired reception venues. I don’t have plans now cause definitely I haven’t found a groom yet… =) But every girl’s got their dream weddings right? I just wanted to share some photos here:

I hope someday… Whoever my groom will be, could afford to marry me in this romantic and expensive place! Haha! Di masamang mangarap!

Fernbrook Gardens is located at
Portofino South, Daang Reyna,
Las Pinas, Metro Manila
www.fernbrookgardens.com
Contact Nos.:
7108608 . 7108545 . 3873740
. 3836865 . 9278392
(0917)5683972 . (0917)8605449 . (0917)8606478

the last time... i’ll fall in love thanks to maryll nalaman ko din ang title 07312008

2011-05-31T18:16:00.001+08:00

The first time I fell in love was long ago.

I didn’t know how to give my love at all.

The next time I settled for what felt so close.

But without romance, you’re never gonna fall.

After everything I’ve learned;
Now it’s finally my turn.

This is the last time I’ll fall… in love.

The first time we walked under that starry sky,
there was a moment when everything was clear.

I didn’t need to ask or even wonder why, because each question is answered when you’re near and
I’m wise enough to know when a miracle unfolds, this is the last time I’ll fall in love.
Now don’t hold back, just let me know.

Could I be moving much too fast or way too slow.

‘Cause all of my life, I’ve waited for this day.

To find that once in a lifetime, this is it, I’ll never be the same.

You’ll never know what it’s taken me to say these words.

And now that I’ve said them, they could never be enough.

As far as I can see, there’s only you and only me.

This is the last time I’ll fall in love.
Last time I’ll fall in love.

The last time I’ll fall… in love.

*Finally… i got the title if this song na… I’ve been dying to know the title of this song for years… thanks to Maryll’s blog buti na lang birthday nya! =) i just love this song. Happy Birthday Meme! Miss you! Mwah!*

6 a.m. Blog-ag! (July 26, 2008)

2011-05-31T18:12:00.000+08:00

Waaaah 6am na pala and i didn’t even realize, as usual naabutan ko na naman ang tunog ng mga nagwawalis, potpot at ng mga manok… i can’t believe how i can get so absorbed in surfin’ the net… haha! well, i’m searchin’ for kewl stuffs for my birthday like cool give aways, invites, cakes and stuff…

Well, here’s my wish list for my birthday:

- canon eos 40d slr

- Can’t stop ogling at a Sony Vaio VGN-CR510E Pink Lizard (haaay… i have to sell my neo na!!! Grr!!!)

- kewl party with matching face paint, bubble machine and the works (kid’s party? hehe!)
- bubble machine
- reunion with my gurl friends
- lotsa booze
- piñata
- at soooper dami pang iba

Since i never had a party on my 18th birthday, i’d want one now. Already had a deal with my friend and he promised he’d cook for me on my birthday. I’m so excited and i hope i could make it happen, i hope by that time i have lots of money na hehe! I really have a lot of plans on my day… kung pwede lang may balloon twisters i’d get one.

Well anyway, i need to sleep ‘coz my folks wud be up any minute now… unfortunately am not even feelin’ a bit sleepy, wonder where Mr. Sandman is… nakalimutan nya yata ako daanan baka stranded sa dreamland. =) Haaaay…. ang hirap maging insomniac. Time flies and it flies reeeeaaally fast naka-NOS ata hehe!… Monday na naman tomorrow traffic na naman, i really hate mondays… i get to wear stupid stockings, time for case studies, i’d get to see my freakin’ prof. again! haaay! traffic na naman lalo bukas because of Gloria’s stupid SONA, the rallies and what-nots! Asar pa when i get to sit sa steps ng bus, everyone would bump into you like you don’t exist at all. Life sucks big time! Ayan mom’s up already! Huli! hehe! Time to doze off.

You- Athena Cage

2011-05-31T18:10:00.000+08:00

It’s time to be honest with myself
I’ve fooled around too long
now all I think about is you
and what we used to have

I’m scared to live without your love
‘Coz you were really all i had
now my only love has gone away
and it hurts so bad

The only thing that’s missing in my life, is you.
The only thing I need in my life, is you.
is you, is you, is you.

It’s time to be honest with you
you made me a better woman
you cared for me so much
so much you scared me boy.

Now I feel you in the air I breath
even though you’re not in front of me
you were like a summer breeze
and it’s killing me

The only thing that’s missing in my life, is you.
The only thing I need in my life, is you.

You’re the only man

I’m tired of crying, come back in my life
think about it, it’s been awhile
I’ve never meant to hurt you
you’re the only man I need…..

The only thing that’s missing in my life, is you.
The only thing I need in my life, is you.

The only man is you..

(July 2, 2008)

Gloomy Sunday June 18, 2008

2011-05-31T18:05:00.000+08:00

It is autumn and the leaves are falling
All love has died on earth
The wind is weeping with sorrowful tears
My heart will never hope for a new spring again
My tears and my sorrows are all in vain
People are heartless, greedy and wicked…

Love has died!

The world has come to its end, hope has ceased to have a meaning
Cities are being wiped out, sharpnel is making music
Meadows are
red with human blood
There are dead people on the streets everywhere
I will say another quiet prayer:
People are sinners, Lord, they make mistakes…

The world has ended!

Mental Contagion of Ideas 06152008

2011-05-23T17:09:00.000+08:00

Mother’s Reflections on Suicide

(from the Notes of Letizia Grasso) November 1996

The end

No more pain

No more joy

No more tears

No more smiles

No more anxieties

No more satisfactions

No pressure to achieve

No more achievements

No more hatred

No more love

No more dark nights

No more splendid sunrises

No more frustrations

No more accomplishments

No more angry words

No more terms of endearment

NO MORE

and amputation

that you imagined as a clean surgical cut

but instead

is a bloody, jagged me that won’t heal

and soils everyone you ever cared about

and cared about you.

We are left, puzzled, bloodied, wounded

No longer vibrant , whole confident

Now we go forth handicapped, missing an essential limb,

that will never be replaced

and always longed for.

Your legacy,

sorrow, betrayal, anger, guilt.

An ignoble reciprocation

of so much love

You should have chosen

to stay,

fight,

argue

fail

disappoint me

and keep stretching the narrow confines

of my perimeter.

INSTEAD YOU ARE GONE

I AM STAGNANT, IN STUPOR

I VIEW MY WORLD AND FEAR TO FACE THE AGONIZING BEAUTY AND PAIN OF LIFE

I THINK OF JOINING YOU

AND REALIZE YOU TOOK THE BEST PART OF ME WITH YOU.

In this zombie state,

I wander in the shadow world

The atrium of death

where I must decide which exit

left or right,

left into cold night

right into the endless struggle

and bloody battles of life.

No longer equipped for the fight,

minimized

traumatized

disregarded

anguished.

I curl up in this atrium

and lick my wounds that will not heal

and look inside

to find purpose

to reinvent my life

to reinvest my energies

to find my courage

that will allow me to foolishly

continue with this life.

No longer whole,

No longer young

trustful

gay

but,

bloodied

old

tired

a shadowy remnant

of my old self

I set out

to continue alone.

Depression... 05242008

2011-05-23T16:52:00.004+08:00

haaay… feeling so depressed right now. my boyfriend just broke up with me and i don’t exactly know the reason why…. i just remembered we fought because i’m too drunk and didn’t wanna go home… what’s wrong with

wanting to spend more time with him?! when he said he doesn't want me anymore i thought i could accept it… because i already had my mind set with the fact that everything’s not worth it anymore, all my efforts wasted, time spent thinking and waiting for nothing. i was about to give up, but i held back, coz i know i can’t leave him 'coz i love him too much. i thought everything would change, i hoped he would change someday but i’m left with false hopes… he was the first to give up on me. i can’t think of reasons why he’d leave me coz i know to myself i haven’t done anything to hurt him (well at least that’s what i know), I've tried to be the best girlfriend i could be, maybe giving too much isn't enough…. i think i’ve been lying to myself for a long time, thinkin’ he still loves me, when in fact he just loved the thought of having someone who’s always there for him, someone who’d be at his beck and call, i tried to believe he has great love for me…. i hate knowing i made him what he is right now. i don’t know if i could let go, maybe someday, somehow…. i know it won’t be easy but having God, my family and friends to support me, i know life could go on. i will try to be strong. i won’t lose hope for us, maybe someday, when everything’s going well between us, maybe we’d overcome this, i hope God would give us another chance, others may say that he doesn't deserve my love, but i know he does. i’ll keep hoping, and i would never give up on him. there’s a lot of stuff going on in my mind right now, so many questions, what-if’s and what could've been, i shouldn’t regret anything that happened because i know God has reasons for everything but i can’t deny the fact that i somehow hated myself for being so stupid, for humiliating myself in front of his family and friends but my heart goes out to them who’d been there for me. hope everything would be fine, i know my family would never leave me during this time of healing…. and to him, i know he’s strong and i loved you for being strong, i know you will cherish the love we've shared in those two wonderful years, maybe this is just not the right time for us but i hope someday we could still be together, i have faith in our love and i have faith in you. know that i will always be here for you, i will wait for you. take good care of yourself, your family and friends, thank you for loving me, thanks for not hurting me (physically), for accepting all my flaws and i’m so grateful having met your family. they’ll always be in my heart. =)

While waiting for you, i will go back to loving myself again… this i haven’t done for quite some time now. Maybe when i get back to loving myself, i would gain more love from others, maybe from you. I know i’ve screwed up a lot of times already and it’s never anyone’s fault but mine, so now i will pay more attention to what life has to teach me and to what it taught me… this time, when i have problems, i won’t turn to drinking tons of alcohol anymore because it only helps you forget your problems temporarily and sometimes it may cause you more problems you would regret the moment you get sober, i’d just turn to my family and friends whom i know would give me their knowledge on what life has to offer because now i know they will always be there for you no matter what you do and whoever you become…. Loving myself, and my body(my health) are my priorities now. It’s never too late to straighten things up and lift up everything to God.

Loving yourself is believing that it is okay to

like the great and crazy things others like about you, or that you are

someone who has friends who love you, even if you don’t know why. No one

is perfect, and no one should feel, or be, alone.

Loving that one person, loving anyone, and especially loving yourself, is not anything that LOVE is NOT.

"When it comes to relationships,

maybe we’re all in glass houses

and shouldn't throw stones.

Because you can never really know…

Some people are settling down,

some people are settling,

and some people refuse to settle

for anything less

than Butterflies."

–Carrie,

Sex and the City

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

Look at the sunny side of everything and make your

optimism come true.

Think only of the best,

work only for the best,

and expect only the best.

Forget the mistakes of the past

and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

Give so much time to the improvement of yourself

that you have no time to criticize others.

Live in the faith that

the whole world is on your side

so long as you are true

to the best that is in you!"

- Christian D. Larson

May 24, 2008

My Man

2011-05-23T16:33:00.000+08:00




My Man
by: Regina Spektor

My man don’t treat me right
Don’t kiss me sweet goodnight
Don’t buy me flowers to smell
Why he’s a rotten boy from hell

My man don’t treat me good,
He eats all my food
And he leaves me such a mess
They say I’m cursed, but I am blessed

Cos he loves me, he loves me, he really, really loves me
And his eyes are bluer than the bluest sky above the city
He don’t agree but what a pity
He love me yes he does

My man don’t treat me sweet,
He walks the empty streets
And he drinks and smokes and swears
And they say he doesn’t care

My man he breaks my heart,
He tears me all apart
And he leaves me such a mess,
They say I’m cursed but I am blessed

Cos he loves me, he loves me, he really, really loves me
And his eyes are bluer than the bluest sky above the city
He don’t agree but what a pity
He love me yes he does

Oh my man, I love him so
He’ll never know
All my life is just despair,
But I don’t care
When he takes me in his arms, the world is bright,alright?

What’s the difference if I say, I'll go away?
When I know i'll come back on my knees someday
For whatever my man is
I’m HIS, FOREVER MORE.
January 14, 2008

08062006

2011-05-23T15:52:00.000+08:00

Death is worse than robbery or stealing. Death steals life and unlike material things, life cannot be replaced. For me death is like taking back what’s not originally ours. We owe our life to God and there comes a time that you should give it up. It’s not frightening. Rather, it’s very wonderful. Leaving the real world is leaving illness, poverty and sufferings. It may be hard to leave your loved ones but their time is going to be soon. You’ll see them eventually.

This morning I woke up thinking about death. Not in a suicidal sense though. I’m not planning to kill myself and I don’t want to die any time soon. Nor am I contemplating murder. Rather, I’ve been pondering on how I would like to die. We all have to die sometime. Unless, of course, you happen to be a vampire or an immortal.

I would prefer to die quickly. Maybe by an accident or by violence, not in a morbid way though. I wouldn’t want to die of old age. You know… old and senile, peeing and shitting in my adult diapers with a vague, empty look in my eyes and drool hanging from my chin. Or die from disease? Ugh. I don’t want to waste away in a hospital bed suffering from complications and hooked up to machines with tubes stuck up my nose and wherever part of my body. I wouldn’t want to drown either. Can you imagine how that would feel? Not being able to breathe, your lungs burning, and water filling your chest? How long would that take? I hear about ten minutes for the average adult. And when you’re finished drowning your corpse would be bloated from the water in your stomach. Looking like those malnourished kids in Somalia. Dying from hunger. Their bodies just giving up after months of starvation. Their intestines grinding against each other. And dying in my sleep via Valium or whatever? That would be okay! Except for the fact that it’s not dramatic or spectacular enough for me. I also don’t like to be ran over by a vehicle of some sort, I don’t want pieces of me flying over some place… isn’t it bad when a part of you comes missing when you get buried? I would like to go out in a big way. Suicide is out of the question, though when I’m depressed I think of it. There’s still enough of my catholic brainwashing to keep me from entertaining THAT notion. Sometimes I think of what my funeral would be like, if all of my family, relatives and friends would be there. How many people would be there and how many of them cared for me. I have a detailed plan on what my hearse and casket would look like. It’s just different when you have planned things ahead. But I don’t want to die yet. I still have lots of things to do, things to achieve. I still have a lot of goals to pursue.

But when I think of my death let it be LOUD! Let it be BIG! Something with an impact! Like an overdose. Or having my head cut off by a flying aluminum roof or a falling pane of glass… kidding! That’s something freaky! But I want something people remember. Being shot in a playground. In front of dozens of impressionable little children. That would ensure my memorability. The psychiatry bills those kids’ parents would be paying for years to come would be my legacy. Something to remember me by….

by: Faith Angeli P. Estalilla (August 6, 2006)

Mushy, mushy, mushy....

2011-05-23T15:00:00.000+08:00

"The inspiration to love him comes from the unexplainable sensation
that comes from deep inside, the one that grows with every thought,
every touch, and every word. Day by day, you crave more of him, live to
see his face, and linger for that extra touch. It’s the winter nights
holding each other close, the spring mornings with sweet kisses and
gentle touches. Just to hear his voice…."

November 27, 2007

Sad, sad, sad..

2011-05-11T16:24:00.001+08:00

At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out; they fence you in. Life is messy, that’s how we’re made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here’s what I know. If you’re willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.

December 13, 2007

May 14, 2007 11:46 pm

2011-05-11T16:15:00.003+08:00

There is something about compliments that scares me. Part of the reason may be that I’m afraid of getting something that can be subsequently taken away. I put myself in the hands of other people if I let my emotions lean on their statements.

Another reason: I am being put on a spot and now must watch what I do to keep them thinking this way about me.
Another: There is a part of me that knows I am not as good as their compliments imply.
Another: I have often been insincere when saying similar things.

Flattery can stir me up as much as criticism– if i take it to heart.

May 14, 2007 11:23 pm

2011-05-11T16:13:00.002+08:00

Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes and I am left the same as I began. The more things change the more I am the same. It appears that my life is a constant irony of maturity and regression, but my sense of progress is based on the illusion that things out there are going to remain the same and that, at last, I have gained a little control. But there will never be means to ends, only means. And I am means. I am what I started with, and when it is all over I will be all that is left of me.

I Refuse (from Ida)

2011-05-11T16:09:00.001+08:00

This was sent to my email by my ex-boyfriend's cousin Ida Mayo... she sent it to me when we (my ex and I) were going through something. Thanks Ida, I miss you!:

April 28, 2007
(from my Friendster blog: Sick, Sad, World **source: http://faith111105.blog.friendster.com/2007/04/something-from-ida/)

I refuse to wait for you any longer. There was a time in my life when I would have saved myself for you alone. In my heart no one else would do. I belonged to no one else but you. That isn’t me anymore. My heart finally caught up with my brain and I finally saw that all of it was just nothing but fantasies. Dreams that only I wanted. There was no hope left for us. As each day passed, it became clearer and clearer to me that it was never meant to be. We were never meant to be.

I refuse to live in the past. What we shared lives in the past, it doesn’t control me any longer. Don’t get me wrong, I will forever treasure it but I won’t let it hold me back. I won’t let it ruin who I was and who I am now. For a time, I almost forgot who I was without you. I’ll never let that happen again. I won’t ever lose myself again.

I refuse to fight anymore. For several months now, I’ve been fighting for our friendship and for us. However, no matter what I do, I seem to be losing. Whenever I feel as if I’m going to buckle down because of the pressure, the thought that somehow maybe you are fighting for us too kept me going but months have passed, I haven’t heard from you. Somehow I finally realized that I was the only one fighting for us. I was doing everything I could possibly can for someone who was and never will be mine.

I refuse to believe that you didn’t love me. Somehow, someway, I know that I have a place in your heart. You may not have been able to love me the way I wanted you to love me but I know that even for just a second, you really did love me.

I refuse to lose hope. It may not be you. It may take me forever to find him, but I will. Tears have been streaming down my cheeks for too long but not anymore. I have learned so many things from all of this. Things that I felt should have been taught to me some other less painful way but somehow I didn’t regret it. It made me stronger. It made me look inside myself and really see who I really am and not who I thought I was. Hope kept me going. The hope for better things to come, the same hope that one day I will finally be over you.

R.I.P. Friendster! :(

2011-05-11T15:31:00.001+08:00

The blogs i'll be posting here are all from my Friendster blog, because as I've heard Friendster will bid goodbye on the 31st of May so i'm saving all of my blogs here and some pictures, probably all the memories built there... I haven't been using my Friendster account since forever but it's sad to know that something that's been a part of your life will soon be lost forever...

When testimonials were stuff people write about you and your personalities...

Awwww the testimonials, oh the testimonials... i'm gonna miss! :(

Nothing worth having ever comes easy...

Quotes from Grey's Anatomy (from my fb account)

My take on Kimchi Fried Rice ^_^

Cookies!!!!

Jar of Hearts

Luvin' Corinne Bailey Rae

My Wedding Song... Bliss! ^_^

Someone Like You

From my Friendster Shoutout Stream ^_^

Change is the only constant thing in this world... 08052010

I have given everything but have received nothing… 08052010

Thoughts of an Insomniac (Life After Love) 11082009

Songs / Thoughts for The Week (From my FB acct.) 11082009

R.P.: Maskara by Acid 05272005

R.P.: What Kind of Man Are You Looking For? 05282009

Look Inside (Revised) 05072009

♥ Faith ॐ मणि पद्मे हूँ

Last Night... 05032009

Trauma always leaves a scar... 04092009

Part of Me -Skabeche 04082009

I wanna stop loving you… Help me stop. =’c 03262009

Bored yet again... 02152009

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. 09112008

humans are born with the desire to roam the earth… 09112008

Bitterness!!! Ampalaya! 08292008

Premature Death 08212008

Glycerine -Bush 08122008

Dream Wedding 08062008

the last time... i’ll fall in love *thanks to maryll nalaman ko din ang title* 07312008

6 a.m. Blog-ag! (July 26, 2008)

- canon eos 40d slr

You- Athena Cage

Gloomy Sunday June 18, 2008

Mental Contagion of Ideas 06152008

Depression... 05242008

My Man

08062006

Mushy, mushy, mushy....

Sad, sad, sad..

May 14, 2007 11:46 pm

May 14, 2007 11:23 pm

I Refuse (from Ida)

R.I.P. Friendster! :(

the last time... i’ll fall in love thanks to maryll nalaman ko din ang title 07312008