wanting to spend more time with him?! when he said he doesn't want me anymore i thought i could accept it… because i already had my mind set with the fact that everything’s not worth it anymore, all my efforts wasted, time spent thinking and waiting for nothing. i was about to give up, but i held back, coz i know i can’t leave him 'coz i love him too much. i thought everything would change, i hoped he would change someday but i’m left with false hopes… he was the first to give up on me. i can’t think of reasons why he’d leave me coz i know to myself i haven’t done anything to hurt him (well at least that’s what i know), I've tried to be the best girlfriend i could be, maybe giving too much isn't enough…. i think i’ve been lying to myself for a long time, thinkin’ he still loves me, when in fact he just loved the thought of having someone who’s always there for him, someone who’d be at his beck and call, i tried to believe he has great love for me…. i hate knowing i made him what he is right now. i don’t know if i could let go, maybe someday, somehow…. i know it won’t be easy but having God, my family and friends to support me, i know life could go on. i will try to be strong. i won’t lose hope for us, maybe someday, when everything’s going well between us, maybe we’d overcome this, i hope God would give us another chance, others may say that he doesn't deserve my love, but i know he does. i’ll keep hoping, and i would never give up on him. there’s a lot of stuff going on in my mind right now, so many questions, what-if’s and what could've been, i shouldn’t regret anything that happened because i know God has reasons for everything but i can’t deny the fact that i somehow hated myself for being so stupid, for humiliating myself in front of his family and friends but my heart goes out to them who’d been there for me. hope everything would be fine, i know my family would never leave me during this time of healing…. and to him, i know he’s strong and i loved you for being strong, i know you will cherish the love we've shared in those two wonderful years, maybe this is just not the right time for us but i hope someday we could still be together, i have faith in our love and i have faith in you. know that i will always be here for you, i will wait for you. take good care of yourself, your family and friends, thank you for loving me, thanks for not hurting me (physically), for accepting all my flaws and i’m so grateful having met your family. they’ll always be in my heart. =)While waiting for you, i will go back to loving myself again… this i haven’t done for quite some time now. Maybe when i get back to loving myself, i would gain more love from others, maybe from you. I know i’ve screwed up a lot of times already and it’s never anyone’s fault but mine, so now i will pay more attention to what life has to teach me and to what it taught me… this time, when i have problems, i won’t turn to drinking tons of alcohol anymore because it only helps you forget your problems temporarily and sometimes it may cause you more problems you would regret the moment you get sober, i’d just turn to my family and friends whom i know would give me their knowledge on what life has to offer because now i know they will always be there for you no matter what you do and whoever you become…. Loving myself, and my body(my health) are my priorities now. It’s never too late to straighten things up and lift up everything to God.
Loving yourself is believing that it is okay to
like the great and crazy things others like about you, or that you are
someone who has friends who love you, even if you don’t know why. No one
is perfect, and no one should feel, or be, alone.
Loving that one person, loving anyone, and especially loving yourself, is not anything that LOVE is NOT.
"When it comes to relationships,
maybe we’re all in glass houses
and shouldn't throw stones.
Because you can never really know…
Some people are settling down,
some people are settling,
and some people refuse to settle
for anything less
than Butterflies."
–Carrie,
Sex and the City
"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
Look at the sunny side of everything and make your
optimism come true.
Think only of the best,
work only for the best,
and expect only the best.
Forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
Give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
Live in the faith that
the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true
to the best that is in you!"
- Christian D. Larson
May 24, 2008
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