I’m still in the process of moving on right now… it’s hard but I’m trying. I hope someone could teach me to forget about him, every memory. It’s so hard to go on and start over. May I just quote Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown:
“If I should die before I wake its cause you took my breath away, losing you is like living in world with no air… My world revolves around you it’s so hard for me to breathe… If you ain’t here I just can’t breathe…”
Haha! Actually there are a lot of songs I could relate to right now. =) Waah! It’s really hard when you made someone your life, I’ve learned and maybe next time I fall in love again and that’s if I still could… I wouldn’t give everything; I would choose someone who’d love me more than I do so I wouldn’t end up losing a big part of me like I did before. I’m letting him go if that’s what makes him happy, if you love someone, set him free… hehe! Too cliché but, it’s true. Someone sent me a quote which enlightened me a lot:
“Let him go and be happy because if that’s the thing that would make him smile, you’d rather get hurt than see the sad face you see when he’s with you.”
Hurts a lot to face reality, but the least I could do is to accept the fact that we’re really not destined for each other. I’ve had high hopes that maybe someday we could still love each other, but I don’t know if there’s still a chance. It’s almost been 3months now since the day I broke up with him, yes you read it right; I broke up with him… Basically because I know that it’s already hard for us to go back to what and how we were before, I knew that he doesn’t love me that much anymore and our relationship won’t work out the way it should be. We just grew apart, I know most of it was my fault I lost his trust and I regret it the most. He also had his own mistakes but I loved him too much that I became blinded enough to always forgive him. I waited for him to try to clean up his act and for him to show more affection but he never did anything to patch things up. I have always been responsible in saving our relationship but then I got exhausted. Even though I had high hopes I lost my patience. I tried praying for our relationship but nothing happened and so I thought maybe this is God’s way of telling me we’re really not meant for each other, or maybe this is just not the right time for us. I’ve tried to divert my mind in doing stuff to forget him but everything I do and everywhere I go always reminds me of him (oh diba parang kanta lang! haha!). Anyway, part of me wants to completely forget him to erase every memory of him but I can’t cause my friends are his friends, he lives nearby, and I could run into him anytime. It’s a small world after all… ^^ a part of me also wants us to be friends. But I know it won’t happen because I think he’s too mad at me and I know that I could fall for him over again. So I’ve been thinkin’ a lot lately, maybe I should get out of here, I want to go some place, somewhere without him or his family, or friends. But of course that’s impossible because I’ll always carry in me every moment we’ve shared together. I think I’ve moved on a bit cause I’m not bitter anymore (maybe?…), I don’t sulk in bed when I watch sappy movies anymore, well not really (I’m still in denial though) … ^_^ but I confess… when I see him, I really do miss him a lot…. Every time I see him everything flashes back, all our moments together. Sometimes I regret what I did to him, I regret breaking up with him but I have faith, I am Faith! Woooot! ^_^… Maybe God has someone better for me or maybe in time he might be that someone again… Basag!
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